


Employee Of The Month

by what_hasnt_been_taken_yet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, One Shot, just some guys failing to do anything romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25179250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_hasnt_been_taken_yet/pseuds/what_hasnt_been_taken_yet
Summary: dave and karkat watch employee of the monthdisclaimer: i have never seen this movie
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Employee Of The Month

"Hey, Strider." Karkat sidled up to the couch that Dave was sitting on, mumbling lyrics to himself in a stupor. He obviously couldn't hear Karkat through his headphones.

"Dave." He waved a hand in front of the guy's shades. Still no response. He must've had his eyes closed behind the shades. "Gog dammit, you insufferably fucking oblivious human person." He tapped Dave's shoulder, causing the guy to jump up about a foot, clearly startled. His shades slid halfway down his nose, almost revealing the bright red irises.

"Oh, fuck, Karkat, you scared the shit out of me." Dave pulled off his headphones and readjusted his shades.

"Maybe if you hadn't been so lost in writing your shitastic slam poetry you would've heard me come up."

"I'm sorry I'm so dedicated to my masterpieces. Someone's gotta prescribe these ill beats with a healthy dose of antibiotic rhymes." Dave paused, the corners of his mouth turning down. "Who the fuck am I kidding? I'm shit at this. I've got no more material to work off of."

"Yeah, well, _so_ sorry your primitive civilization ended forever. I don't have any idea how that feels... oh wait. I do."

Dave shrugged, scooting over on the couch to give the troll room to sit. Karkat scowled at the offer before begrudgingly obliging. "I guess," Karkat continued, still scowling, "you'll just have to make your own material to work off of. Let's hope that what's left of your species has enough creativity to get new pop culture. At least you brainless monkeys have a chance to continue. You don't have to rely on a mother grub to propagate new generations."

"Yeah, well Rose seems to think that problem will be solved, and I ain't about to question her fancy light powers. Light ain't my thing. It's-"

"Time, Dave. We all know. You've told us at about every fucking opportunity."

"I was gonna say sick rhymes, but sure. Let's pretend time is my thing, and that when I said that I wasn't being ironic, which, let's face it, is never. Let's pretend that I didn't give up on time travel to continue my whole ironic 'reluctant hero' schtick that isn't even an ironic schtick anymore but something I might actually be serious about. Let's forget all that and say, 'Sure, time is totally my thing.'"

"Alright, jeez. I get it. It's not your fucking thing." Karkat settled into the couch, curling up on a cushion. "And I thought I was the one who went on angry tirades."

"Yeah, I'm doing my best nubby-horned mutant troll impression over here. Did I do good?"

Dave's question was answered by a pillow thrown at his face, which, surprisingly, he did not dodge. One would think years of constantly being ambushed by the soft plush asses of smuppets would ready a person for any stuffed attack, but Dave's training momentarily failed him.

However, Dave's ironic wit was infallible. "Do you think it would mess with the timeline too much if I went back in time to stop that from happening?"

"I'd be more worried about how insanely fucking idiotic it would be to go back in time for something so pointless. What happened to 'giving up' time travel?"

"Point taken." Dave watched Karkat as the conversation lulled, taking advantage of the silence. Even in these brief lulls between conversations, the usually shouty, angry troll looked different. Calmer, maybe, or contemplative. Dave didn't know what it was, but seeing some other mysteriously quiet side of Karkat was always a treat. "So... what'd you interrupt my dope rap sesh for?"

Karkat sat up a little from his curled up position. "Okay, I know the last four times you said no, but could we watch Good Luck Chu-"

"No. God, no," Dave interrupted, frowning. "We've already watched it about a million damned times. And that's not even counting all the alt-Daves and Karkats that have probably also watched it together a million times."

"But, Strider, I'm _so fucking bored_." Karkat was practically whining. "Give me this one thing, and I swear it'll be the only pitiful thing I ever ask of you again."

"You said that the last fifty times. If you want to watch it, do it by yourself. I'm bored of shitty romcoms."

"No, I want to watch it with you, shit-for-brains. I don't even care what movie it is."

Dave opened his mouth to reply but stopped, his brain slowly processing what Karkat had implied. "Uh... what?"

The troll's cheeks turned a faint pink, hinting at his mutant blood. "I said that I have stooped so low to want to spend time watching a film with the only available option on this meteor, who happens to be a certain idiot male human."

"That's definitely not what you said the first time."

"Does it fucking matter? Do you want to watch something with me or not, Dave human?" Karkat turned away, feeling the heat in his cheeks turning up. Damn, he sucked at this. It was almost as if this wasn't their thousandth time watching a movie together.

"I'm pretty sure you only have Dane Cook movies..." Dave mulled it over, his eyes traveling the soft black tousles of the troll's hair. "But if you really want to, then as your bro I guess I'll have to make this sacrifice."

Karkat tried to suppress a grin as he turned back to Dave. "Great. So, what will it be if not Good Luck Chuck?"

"Are the only other options Dane Cook movies?"

"...maybe."

"Employee of the Month it is. Why did I fucking agree to this?"

"Because we are bros, and bros make sacrifices for each other." Karkat pulled his husktop from his sylladex and powered it up, searching for the movie in his storage, giving Dave time to try his hardest not to read too much into their conversation. Of course, this didn't work out very well for Dave.

Karkat placed the husktop on a table in front of them and pressed play. He then scooted closer to Dave, who was sitting on the edge of the couch.

"Um... there's a whole bunch of space on the other side of the couch, Vantas," Dave said, smirking at their closeness.

"Shut up. The view's better here." Karkat stared at Dave for a second, before adding, "The view of the screen, I mean. Not... never mind."

"Hold on. What were you going to say?" Dave asked, smirking even more.

Karkat managed to keep his composure, not taking the bait this time. "Quiet down, you're missing the movie."

"I've already seen it 38 times. Missing it once isn't gonna change that."

"Shut up, you're ruining it!"

Dave put a lid on it, turning his attention from the troll to the movie. After about five minutes, he could feel boredom seeping into him. And with boredom came a sudden urge to do something bold, something sincerely unironic, without his inhibitions holding him back. He glanced down at Karkat's legs, one of which was bent sideways on the couch, providing a soft, generic-fabric-clad knee. Attempting to make the move as graceful and un-awkward as possible, he slowly tipped over sideways until he was laying down, with his head resting on Karkat's knee. He looked up at the startled troll, whose attention was completely diverted from the movie.

"Is this okay?" Dave asked quietly, all sarcasm gone from his voice.

"I- uh..." Karkat blinked a few times at Dave, the white-blonde hair splayed out on his gray pants. He knew his cheeks were getting red again. "It's... fine. Are you comfortable like that?"

Dave's ass was pressed into the couch's armrest, and his legs were dangling off the front of the couch, and his cape was bundled up somewhat awkwardly under his torso, but he would rather get muscle cramps than compromise his position. "I'm comfortable. Plus, the view is better here." He couldn't help a little sarcasm, even in this extremely sincere, totally unironic instance.

Karkat nodded, then fell silent, trying to get sucked back into the movie. He usually had no trouble doing this, but Dave's head being practically in his lap was all he could focus on now. His left arm, which before had been comfortably resting in said lap, was now rigid against the back of the couch, afraid to come into contact with the human and ruin the moment. He felt a disgustingly high amount of fondness creeping up in him for the curled-up boy next to him, and with that fondness came a jolting fear that he would fuck whatever this was up, like he always had.

Dave stared at the screen but didn't really see any of the movie. He was too preoccupied with moving as little as possible. He tucked an arm between his head and Karkat's leg, causing the troll to stiffen up even more. The longer Dave lay like this, the more he regretted it, but he had to stick it out, even if it only seemed to be making both of them uncomfortable.

About an hour into the movie, Karkat had finally relaxed a little, though he was still hyperaware of Dave. He let himself get sucked back into his romcom stupor, paying less and less attention to Dave.

Dave felt Karkat slowly releasing tension, which made it easier for Dave to feel like he was doing something right. He felt himself getting drowsier, lulled by the insanely boring movie he'd seen too many times to count. His eyelids drooped, his breathing slowed, and he fell asleep, head still propped on Karkat's leg.

It took the troll a while before he realized Dave's deep, slow breathing was really indicative of his sleep. Karkat looked down at the human, a small smile slipping onto his face as he gently placed his hand on Dave's shoulder. He watched the rest of the movie with the smile, only moving to close and captchalogue his husktop once the movie was done. Not wanting to disturb Dave's sleep, he slowly slipped his knee out from under the sleeping boy's head, then eased his cape out from under his body to drape it over the human like a blanket. Dave shifted in his sleep, mumbling something about his bro. Karkat opted to lay on the other half of the couch, cramped though it may be, with his head barely grazing the top of Dave's. He could smell Dave's shampoo, which was some strong apple-cinnamon scent that Terezi would have loved to get a whiff of- hell, she probably already has. He guessed Rose figured out how to alchemize that specific shampoo for him, possibly as an apology for failing to make apple juice. Karkat breathed it in, closing his eyes, allowing the closeness of Dave to calm him into sleep.

~~~

Dave woke up, groaning from the soreness of his bunched up legs, and tried to recall how he'd fallen asleep. He remembered watching the movie with Karkat, then using the troll's leg as a pillow. Dave blushed, even more embarrassed by the actions he'd taken. What was worse, he had fallen asleep in that position. Noticing the lack of Karkat knee under his head, he pushed himself up from his uncomfortable position. He looked down to see none other than Karkat himself, sleeping soundly. Dave knew the troll couldn't have fallen asleep until after the movie was over, so why did he decide to stay on the couch to sleep? There were plenty of horn piles for the troll to dive into on the meteor. Had he been afraid to wake up Dave by getting up?

He fingered a strand of the troll's dark hair, marveling at how surprisingly soft it was for a boy who was all angry edges. After a small hesitation, he ran his hand through Karkat's hair, brushing it away from his face. He almost looked peaceful in his sleep, untroubled by the world- though he was probably getting a lecture from his annoying dead dancestor. Dave hadn't thought he could meet someone more talkative and insulting than Karkat, though in a way it made sense that they were related.

Dave's finger accidentally grazed one of the candy-corn-colored nubs poking out of Karkat's thick nest of hair, and he froze. Karkat, along with the rest of the trolls, had never allowed him to touch his horns. Gently, he rubbed the side of one, feeling the cool, smooth surface. His thumb unconsciously stroked small circles around the blunt point, causing Karkat to make a noise that almost sounded like purring. Dave grinned softly, leaning over the troll, watching in wonder for a reaction.

That is, until Karkat's eyes popped open.

Dave fell back just in time to avoid getting hit in the head as Karkat snapped up, pressed into a corner of the couch, arms over his head to cover his horns. "Dave, what the fuck?" Karkat yelled groggily, a full flush blooming on his cheeks. His eyes looked murderous.

"Sorry!" Dave said, his fingers digging into the soft fabric of his godtier outfit. "I didn't mean to- I mean... I accidentally rubbed your horn. I know you don't like that, so... sorry." He couldn't look at Karkat, feeling embarrassed and a little like a perv as he realized that he may have just done something intimate, possibly even _sexual_ , by touching his best bro's horns.

Karkat didn't move his arms, but the pissed-off look in his eyes faded. "Just don't do it again."

Dave nodded, finally meeting Karkat's gaze. After a brief awkward silence, he asked, "Were you purring?"

Now Karkat was bright red in embarrassment. He dropped his arms to cross them, looking anywhere but at Dave. "We're not talking about that."

"I'm just saying, I know you call them 'purrbeasts', but it makes sense that 'cat' is in your na-"

That earned him another pillow to the face, which he kinda deserved, but it was totally worth it. " _Not. Talking. About. That._ "

Dave chuckled. "Okay, I'm done." He watched Karkat, their conversation lulling. He wondered how someone could look so peaceful and open in sleep when they were constantly on guard when awake. Though he guessed he wasn't much better. And now he was just straight-up staring at Karkat. He stood up abruptly, looking away from Karkat's puzzled look. "Uh... all that movie-watching and napping gave me a real hankering for some alchemized approximations of food. You coming with me?"

Karkat sighed, rolling his eyes, and pushed himself up. "Not like I have anything better to do."

Their walk to the mealblock was littered with jokes about Dane Cook. And if Dave found himself looking at Karkat for a few seconds longer than usual, neither of them brought it up.

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this a long time ago so thought i might as well edit and publish it  
> thanks for reading! drop a comment if you so choose, or follow me on twitter @lucidlylucid for other fic updates.


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